I still vividly remember the day I first set eyes on my wife. I was a chronically late high school senior which meant I routinely spent time in late detention. Little did I realize my penchant for disregarding time would provide a pivotal moment of serendipity. My wife, then a member of the high school band attending practice, had exited the school at nearly the precise moment late detention had let out. Her blonde hair along with her light pink jacket immediately caught my attention. She moved with purpose. Whatever teenage angst I had been harboring that day immediately melted away. She was different. Little did I know she’d change my life forever.
Despite several turbulent years encompassed by separate colleges, distinct career aspirations, geography, and personal growth we still found ourselves passionate about each other. Then one Spring day in Yankee stadium, she proposed. As a married couple our romance bloomed. We traveled often, dined out and slept in simply because we could. Yet this blissful existence would only last for one fleeting year. A new chapter in our lives began the day we confirmed we were to be parents.
As expected, our romantic indulgences diminished proportionally as our due date approached. Yet I naively convinced myself that we’d return to “normal” not long after the baby’s birth. The reality turned out to be a more compartmentalized approach to intimacy. Neither of us were prepared for the sleepless nights, the onset of stress, the lack of time, and the new found responsibility of being a parent. Yet surprisingly our passions burned brightly despite the pitfalls of parenthood albeit with a lot less verve.
After the birth of our second child, romance once again took a back seat to raising our kids. As they grew so did their demands on our time and energy. Mind you my wife and I would still exchange amorous glances, steal a hug and kiss or two in between toddler tantrums, and hold hands while watching intently for Blue’s next clue. Our star crossed romance had evolved into a parents gone mild approach.
Yet every so often, be it a date night, or an event such as a wedding in which just my wife and I attend, we rediscover each other, laugh a lot about the insanity of it all, and connect once again. Our children, both intricately linked to our lives as a family, fade into the background during these private times. They’re never forgotten of course, we inevitably mention our children in conversation, but the focus redirects to rekindling the spark in our relationship. At our last wedding reception, my wife and I danced, drank, laughed, and indulged in each other’s love. Just the remedy needed to solidify the foundation necessary for the sometimes rocky business of parenting.
My advice to expectant Dads? A short list for you to forge your own path to romance in the age of parenthood:
- Stay optimistic. Life is good.
- Your relationship with your wife will change and you must be willing to adapt.
- Family life requires balancing one’s whole life while including the lives of your family.
- Learn time management skills.
- Don’t lose your sense of humor.
- Remember to make time for just you and your wife.
- Think of romance in terms of a slow burn leading to memorable moments rather than love on demand.
- Everything changes, you can too.
Vincent Daly aka CuteMonsterDad is a graphic designer, writer, actor, artist and most importantly a husband and father. He is the founder of CuteMonster.com, a resource for Dads.
One thought on “Romance in the Age of Parenthood”
Your whole world is going to change when a baby arrives.
I realized this myself; my priorities and schedules were changed completely.
I wrote about this topic (from time management’s standpoint) on my blog:
I think that what me and my wife encountered at first was a shock; this was our first child and we didn’t have any previous experiences of having a baby.
Anyway, it is important to realize that any becoming dad will manage the situation – with those good tips you mentioned.