Romancing the stone

Sure its the title of a movie directed by Robert Zemeckis starring Michael Douglas, Kathleen Turner,  and Danny DeVito. It is also a similar feeling to how romance goes once you have kids. I’m real in the fact that once we had a child it was a nose dive – we didnt sleep (heck, we still dont sleep) and sometimes we have different viewpoints on how we’re raising our son. None the less the the action/adventure that made the heat, is slowly turning into drool.

Of course it doesnt help that we’re now sharing our bed with our child.  I dont really talk to much about this topic mainly because I still havent found the balance or a working solution.  Sure I highly suggest Date Night because you need to dress up and wipe off the drool from your shoulder try to act like adults and get out for a moment.  I also highly recommend doing a short vacation without the kids – even if its a stay-cation and you take a local hotel room its great to connect, if you could swing the few days away in paradise it’ll really help you drift away (just make sure whoever is watching the kids know that you’re not to be disturbed unless there is an ER visit!).

I hear couple talk about just wanting to spend time alone – which I do understand too but many people dont… my reasoning is sound in the fact that you need to take care of yourself first then you can take care of others… if you need a moment you need a moment before you can share moments together and really appreciate them.

Romancing the stone is just a funny topic because after such long periods of time you both forget what true passion and romance is to each other… so its almost like we’re both stone.  Sure as a guy we’re almost turned on by any shiny object but to reconnect with your partner/wife is never as simple.  You’re almost required to go to great lengths to make them forget about the day to day with kids, to make them feel special (where usually its about making your children feel special), and most importantly feel connected.

I know how to do awesome dates (it also helps to be in NYC where romance is just a little bit more expensive then a regular meal out) its also easy to toss some romance in to a simple evening at home with the right wine, cheese, and some flowers but to keep that romance there everyday is much harder and goes way beyond telling my wife how beautiful she looks.

Recently the topic of how did our parents and grandparents make this all work – I still wonder that even on romance front (forgetting how did they make it in the car for hours on end without a PSP or a pocket DVD player or an iPod).  Maybe that’s the culture shift and why so many marriages are ending these days – because we’re forgetting to take care of each other and putting so much focus on our children.  Who knows… its a long standing discussion.

My only advice is this – tell your wife/partner how much you care about them, tell them how much they mean to you and inspire passion into you and your life.

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DaDa Rocks!

Who is DaDa Rocks? I’m Adam Cohen. A native New Yorker (born in Manhattan), professional web programmer/designer, information architect, and all-around techie. I graduated from Rochester Institute of Technology with a BFA in New Media Design & Imaging. I’m father to Marc (now 22 months old) and husband to up and coming photographer, Suzanne Cohen.

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